Living without Jesus is Miserable

Hi, my name is Rena and I am a 3rd year at Western University studying Computer Science and Business. I’m involved with campus fellowships including Asian Christian Fellowship (ACF) and Christian Students at Western (CSW). I will be sharing about how God has worked in me and transformed me during my time at university.

First year university was a very challenging time for me– and it’s really no coincidence that this was the time I felt the furthest from God. Moving to London, I was away from family, church and fellowship from back home for the first time in my life. All at once, I lost my support system, and the foundation holding up my faith seemed to crumble with it. In response, instead of feeling hungry to strengthen my relationship with Jesus, I felt hungry to be a part of the world and experience what came with it. I lived life without any regard for what I believed my values to be, and all the while still referring to myself as a “Christian”. Without God’s presence in my life, I felt empty and directionless. I used to pride myself on having a strong sense of self that I carried with me and kept me level-headed and hopeful through life’s ups and downs. But this “sense of self” was from my natural self – something that came from myself that I relied on rather than relying on God. During this period of my life, God stripped me from that. He stripped me from my “sense of self” and without it, I felt so utterly lost and hopeless. I couldn’t get out of bed in the mornings and the thought of facing the day terrified me. I was ashamed of myself, and that shame kept me from confiding what I was going through to my parents and my closest friends. It was also the same shame that kept me away from turning to God. I felt trapped and alone in my brokenness and misery.

But God always calls us back home, no matter how far we stray. When school closed due to the pandemic, I returned back home to my family. It took me awhile to turn to God again, but during this time, God never gave up on me. He continuously worked in me and my life. He placed me in a wonderful small group of believers (shoutout to ACF KOIN) who encouraged me while I regained my steps in my walk with Jesus. He worked nonstop in my heart, until I felt a fire for Him reignite in me and a hungry desire to spend time with Him daily.

God stripped me from my “sense of self” and without it, I felt so utterly lost and hopeless. I couldn’t get out of bed in the mornings and the thought of facing the day terrified me. I felt trapped and alone in my brokenness and misery. But God always calls us back home, no matter how far we stray. God never gave up on me. He continuously worked in me and my life. He worked nonstop in my heart, until I felt a fire for Him reignite in me and a hungry desire to spend time with Him daily.

It’s been two years since my challenges in first year, and it’s incredible to look back and observe how God has always been there for me and how much He’s transformed my mind and my life. My walk with God is an ongoing journey. I am still tested regularly with different challenges and temptations, but through it all, I feel God’s presence equipping me with strength and wisdom to respond faithfully. And even in the times I fail to respond faithfully, rather than the fear and shame I used to dwell on, I know and hear God calling me back each and every time with His arms wide open. God has also provided with me the most beautiful gift of all – the incredible people He’s placed in my life. Shoutout to Letitia, Sam, Claire, and all my mentors and friends from fellowship. I’ve never felt more supported and I’m overwhelmingly grateful to have people in my life continuously pointing me back to Jesus.

Not only did God transform and work in my life immensely in the last two years, He showed me where my true identity lies. God took away my “sense of self” I previously held on to in order to reveal to me how desperately I needed Him. He showed me that I shouldn’t place my hope into anything besides Him alone. God is unchanging, even when everything else in the world, including myself, isn’t. God is unchanging in His love for me, for you, and for all of us. I don’t ever want to root myself in my own abilities, in my own confidence, or in my own sense of self - I want to root myself in the one and only unchanging, almighty God. I want to root my worth in my faith in Jesus alone, and to simply know of my inherent self worth that comes from my identity of being a child of God.

As I wrap up my sharing, I want to leave you with the Word of God: “So you are no longer a slave, but God’s child; and since you are his child, God has made you also an heir” (Galatians 4:7) and “And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it” (1 Corinthians 10:13).