Gratitude

June 24, 2020 -- a day of reflection and surprisingly, gratitude.

A year ago today, I went into the hospital for surgery on my left knee. I spent at least 4 months of 2019 on crutches, relying on others to help me get around. It wasn't easy and I asked God 'why?'. Why did I have to get injured right in the middle of winter when the weather is crazy and I feared that I would slip for every second that I walked in the snow? Why me? But through the experience, my faith grew stronger and I became more humble. I learned that sometimes, it's okay to ask for help. A year ago today, just a couple of hours after my surgery, I received a snapchat from a dear friend that she went into the hospital for pneumonia. Little did I know that it was going to be the last ever message that I would receive from her.. she passed away a week later. Even if I know that God is in control, I still ask Him 'why?' sometimes. Why so soon? But the world was so much brighter with Carmen in it.. why? Through the process of grief, I learned empathy, compassion, and what it meant to have a listening ear. I learned to truly be thankful for every day that I'm alive. I learned to live life with a sense of urgency and what it really meant to value our life here on earth. I was reminded of the eternal value that comes with sharing the Hope of the life-changing message of the Gospel every opportunity I get. I learned what it meant to truly live a life that is worthy of the Gospel (Ephesians 4:1-6).

I therefore, a prisoner for the Lord, urge you to walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace. There is one body and one Spirit—just as you were called to the one hope that belongs to your call — one Lord, one faith, one baptism, one God and Father of all, who is over all and through all and in all. - Ephesians 4:1-6

Eight years ago today, I hopped on a plane with my family and said goodbye to the Philippines, the country I called home for the first 12 years of my life. Full of excitement yet full of uncertainty. I'll be honest, that first year here in Canada was rough. I went into Grade 8 and boy, that school year was so hard emotionally. I went from seeing so many of my friends that I grew up with every day to no one I knew at school. I went from always being one of the top students in my year to just barely passing. I went from my entire childhood surrounded by a Christian environment to constantly having to reassess my values at school. I kept on asking God 'why?'. Why did we have to move? Why did I have to completely step out of my comfort zone? I was basically a confused 12-year-old who didn't know what her identity was anymore because the people and things that she placed her identity on were gone. Seems so minor right now but at that time, that was a HUGE deal to me.

BUT it was through that time of many questions, being lost, and just plain desperation that I saw God work in my life. It was during that period that my relationship with Christ started and I truly relied on Him as my Rock and Redeemer. He became my Hope (not my own self-reliance) and He lifted me out of my small bubble of confused identity mixed with lack of direction. Growing up in Sunday school, I thought I knew the Gospel. But really, it was only during this period that I realized the true WEIGHT of the Gospel, my need for Jesus, and what the Bible means by God's grace is sufficient for us and His power is made perfect in our weaknesses (2 Corinthians 12:9-10).

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong. - 2 Corinthians 12:9-10

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In the midst of these three circumstances, I couldn't wait to get out of the periods of physical pain, grief, emotional pain, and uncertainty. But looking back, I have nothing but gratitude. I value the situations God placed me in, despite how seemingly bad and unreasonable they were in the moment. Indeed, we ought to rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope (Romans 5:3-4).

My situations of getting injured, losing a dear friend and moving to a different continent were NOWHERE near the trials that people and fellow Christians are going through right now. BUT I take heart knowing that God knows exactly what He's doing in every conflict, in every circumstance, and in every individual. Sometimes, with the chaos happening in the world, I find it hard to believe that God will one day restore earth and bring forth justice and peace when He comes back. But I cling on to His Word because it is unfailing and He who promised IS faithful. Though we might not understand right now, He has a plan and it's for His Glory. Not my will, but Yours be done.

1 O Lord, you are my God; I will exalt you; I will praise your name, for you have done wonderful things, plans formed of old, faithful and sure. 8 He will swallow up death forever; and the Lord God will wipe away tears from all faces, and the reproach of his people he will take away from all the earth, for the Lord has spoken. 9 It will be said on that day, "Behold, this is our God; we have waited for him, that he might save us. This is the Lord; we have waited for him; let us be glad and rejoice in his salvation". - Isaiah 25:1, 8-9