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1 John 4:18-19
“There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love. We love because He first loved us.”
I stumbled upon 1 John 4:18-19 last week as it was my turn to share a verse to my group of friends and as I was preparing, I asked the Holy Spirit to guide me on what He wanted me to say. This is my testimony of His gracious and unending love:
When I was 12 years-old, my father broke the news to me that Jesus was going to come back someday and separate His followers from the rest of the world. Even though I had been born into a Christian household, I lived my life as a Sunday Christian who knew stories from the Bible but never really understood what Jesus dying on the cross for me really meant. Throughout the week, I would live a sinful life full of pleasure and doing things that I wanted but upon hearing the news, I realized I was destined for hell. Even though this conviction was very real to me, part of me still did not want to give up my sinful nature and earthly desires. I was greatly distressed at the idea of eternal suffering so I started off by asking God to forgive me. Fear eventually began to reside in my soul but it did not stop me from committing these sins. Guilt and shame soon followed and it started to build up even more in my heart.
At the time, I believed that only “perfect Christians” who read the Bible and prayed to God for hours and hours everyday could achieve heaven. I never approached my parents or youth pastor about turning away from my sin because I was scared of judgement and disappointment for not already being a holy and righteous person. I kept praying for forgiveness but I then decided to also ask God to send me to hell in my dreams because I kept committing the same sins over and over again. Nobody wants to go to hell but I prayed for this every night so that I could be terrified. I hoped that this experience would turn my life around and prevent me from sinning.
Many nights I prayed but God did not answer that prayer no matter how many times I pleaded Him to. Some years later, I realized God did not answer this prayer because He did not want me to serve Him out of fear. Instead, He wanted me to serve Him out of love. That was simply it. Love. God did not want me to see Him as someone whom I should constantly be afraid of but rather, someone who loves me and cares for me because I am His child.
God says to cast all our anxieties to Him because He cares (1 Peter 5:7). God does not want or expect of us to come before Him as an already perfect and holy person but rather one who offers their brokenness and gives up their life to accept Jesus so that they may be made holy through Him. Jesus is the mediator between us and God and I realized that I was trying to get to God without going through Christ first. It is not about doing good deeds or being morally good here on this earth to get to heaven but to accept Jesus as your LORD and Saviour and to love Him with all your heart. Even though we are Christians, we are all sinners that have been and are constantly being redeemed by Jesus everyday. Even when we feel unworthy to come to God, He is still calling for us because we are His very own children whom He loves.
When I gave my life to Christ, His love for me was so overwhelming that I could not contain my adoration for Him as I was so desperately in love. Nothing here on this earth could ever satisfy me after tasting and seeing how much Jesus loves me. I thank my God for etching His love into my soul that was once driven by fear and therefore making me perfect in love. I love my family, friends, and strangers dearly because He loved me first.
My hope and prayer to whoever is reading this is that you will also come to know the same perfect and unconditional love from God that I have experienced. May your eyes be opened and may you taste and see how sweet the Father's love for you is.
t = <3
love this so much