Finding Fulfillment in the Father

2018 was one of the most difficult years of my life. I dealt with a lot of change, conflict, loneliness, and disappointment. I was, however, grateful for my faith, and trusted that God would bring me out of these situations - and He did.

2019, especially in comparison to the year before, came with so many blessings. My problematic roommate situation was finally handled, I'd found a church, gotten into a great school, landed a wonderful summer job, made amazing friends, got a work-study job providing me experience in the field I wanted to work in, found a new place to live, as well as so many smaller blessings that I can't even begin to count.

I was finally happy after a trying season in my life, but it was unsettling to not feel that closeness to God that I craved, and frankly, that I needed. I knew all of these blessings were given by God - so why did I suddenly feel so distant? While I had faith in God, I had been lacking a relationship with Him.

"7 But whatever were gains to me I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. 8 What is more, I consider everything a loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them garbage, that I may gain Christ9 and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ— the righteousness that comes from God on the basis of faith.10 I want to know Christ—yes, to know the power of his resurrection and participation in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death,11 and so, somehow, attaining to the resurrection from the dead." -Philippians 3:7-11 NIV

Towards the end of the year, something else came along that I decided to count as another blessing. While I thanked God for it, I unconsciously ended up neglecting Him, and putting all my time and effort into this new and shiny thing that I thought was making me happy, and decided to be fulfilled in that instead. When that fell apart, it felt like I did as well.

I made my way back to God feeling very broken, but with a newfound motivation to build my relationship with Him. In reading the Word, I found not just healing, but strength and hope. I learned more about God and His will, and was more able to discern what came from Him and what didn't. I think it's important to go back to Matthew 6:33, "But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will given to you as well" Before ever seeking fulfillment through anything else, it is important to first seek out God, to know Him, and to have a relationship with Him. While the things of this world can disappoint us, or make us happy, we have a Father in Heaven who will always be there for us in the good and bad, who will protect us and heal us, guide us, and who wants to have a relationship with us.