Come As You Are

Hi everyone! My name is Lily Song and I just finished my second year of undergrad at Ryerson University studying Child and Youth Care. I’m currently involved in my church’s university fellowship and I also get to serve at Kingdom Come - Ryerson as a campus rep.

I started genuinely exploring my Christian faith around the time I was entering high school, which eventually led me to welcome God into my heart.

Fast forward to my first year of university, I got to mature more in my faith which made me more aware of my sins and just how great of a sinner I am. However, there are periods of time where I would spiral into a black hole as I let the guilt of committing sins immobilize me into not wanting to do anything. I would feel like a disappointment to everyone around me whether that was my friends, family, or God. I would self-punish myself after sinning and rely on myself to try to “fix” my relationship with God. It’s hard for me to pray to God during these times because the hardness of my heart didn’t want to admit that I am still struggling with certain things. I had that image in my head of a disappointed father as His child is back with the same struggle.

My pride kept me from turning to Him... but God continues to humble my heart and reminds me that I don’t have the power to overcome the temptations of sin by myself. It was in moments of feeling powerless where God taught me to be humble.

An example of this was actually during this pandemic. I remember before the pandemic hit, I often said, “if only I had more time, I would definitely spend it with God.” When the first lockdown had just started, I did the exact opposite. I wasted my time mindlessly binging shows that I always wanted to watch. I didn’t even realize I was wasting my days until a friend of mine checked up on me and asked how I was spending my time with God. That’s where my guilt started to kick in and soon overwhelmed me into sleepless nights trying to make game plans of getting my life back together for God but without actually turning to Him. It was like I was trying to produce these good habits (consistently praying, reading my Bible, exercising, etc,.) on my own so that I can show God that I am a good Christian girl. Looking back, it was so foolish of me to think that I could get closer to Christ with my own strength.

The things I was doing to try to prove something just became empty acts of vanity to write off my own guilty conscience instead of actually wanting to spend time with God. Christ brought me to this place of humility where He showed me just how desperate and in need of Him I am to live this life. That only He is able to soften my stubborn heart to live for His will and not my own. Through the lessons of humility, God continually reminds me that He has already forgiven me; paid the full price for all my past, present, and future sins. It was all God’s doing as a gift from Him which makes me no longer a slave to sin. I am able to come to Christ as I am/wherever I am in life as I didn’t let God down because He is not reliant on me but rather I rely on Him. That’s where I find my comfort. That Christ is with me through all the highs and lows of life so that I may rely on Him rather than myself. It is also encouraging that despite my shortcomings, Christ can still work through me. I find it so amazing that a perfect God can use a broken person such as myself and do things for His glory!

Christ brought me to this place of humility where He showed me just how desperate and in need of Him I am to live this life.

If I’m being honest, I actually had a hard time writing this. The thoughts of inadequacy began to crawl into my brain but that's exactly what I wanted to share with you all. Despite my weaknesses, through God’s power, I am still able to share about this awesome God with you all and hopefully that His greatness will be shown all the more rather than me pretending I have it all together.

This is a verse I always turn to:

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me (2 Corinthians 12:9).

Encouragement:

To whoever is reading this, the truth is, I don’t really know who you are. But there is a God that knows you inside and out. He knows everything about you (yes, even the bad parts of yourself you might try to hide) yet He still died a gruesome death on a cross for you. So that you may be free from the bondage of sin and have a relationship with God. If you are feeling trapped, overwhelmed, or hurt in your sin, just come to God as you are and let Him heal you.