Certainty in God During the Unknown

Hi everyone! My name is Luke Goh, and I’ll be going into my first year of undergrad at Ryerson University studying Psychology. I’m currently involved with House of Worship Ministries in Toronto.

The focus of my sharing today will be on 2 stories of the challenges God placed in my life throughout my years so far in post-secondary education, and also the joys that arose from them.

Going into my first year at Wilfrid Laurier University, I believed that I knew and was following God’s plan for my life. My acceptance into Laurier to study classical music and music therapy - my first choice - I saw simply as a miracle. My audition was the Saturday after Teen’s Conference, a 4-day event where I co-led groups of high school students into cheers, Bible studies, and worship. My voice was completely gone by the end of the week, and as a classically trained vocalist, I was devastated. Despite a day without talking, and many glasses of honey lemon water, I was certain that I would be rejected at the audition. And yet by God’s grace, a few months later, the offer of admission came in, much to my surprise. I felt there was no clearer way for God to show me where I was to be.

However, as the year wore on at Laurier, I was scared and confused, as I gradually felt my love for studying music dissipate. I found so much of my identity in my status as a musician that when that passion slipped away, I was terrified. This culminated in me completely losing all desire to attend class, only to shut myself away in my room, save for my trips to the Athletic Complex where I could escape my world crashing down around me. Thus when I fractured my ankle playing basketball on one such trip, this terror turned to depression.

Unable to move without crutches, my room became a prison, where suicidal thoughts swirled in my head. I thought to myself, “What use are you to anyone, if you’re not a musician, and you can’t even move?” On the night that COVID hit Ontario universities, and my residence floor had moved home, my loneliness enabled Satan to enter my mind, constantly reminding me of the lie of my worthlessness. I decided to call my closest friends that night, planning on leaving them a message that I had jumped in front of a car.

But God rescued me.

Every one of the calls that night was answered. Tears flowed down my cheek as I was comforted by my friends, reminding me of how loved I was both by them, and by God. One friend refused to hang up the phone until it was morning, and I had promised not to take my life. Looking back now, I see that God was showing me through my friends, that despite my failings at school, His plan for me was so much more vast, and greater than I could even imagine. I’m reminded of Philippians 1:6 which reads,

“And I am sure of this that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ.”

I learned through this experience that God’s ways and thoughts are so much higher than I could ever comprehend (Isaiah 55:8-9), and that I am called to trust in Him alone. At the end of the year, I decided to leave Laurier and found solace back home.

Fast forward to this past January, and I found myself lost again. Following a brief stint at Tyndale Seminary College, I was out of school. I thought that enrolling at Tyndale to study worship arts would aid me in rekindling my fire for studying music, and would enable me to learn how to better serve the Lord at the same time. And yet after fall term this year, God chose to lead me elsewhere. But I had no clue where that was exactly. And so, on New Year’s Day, I reevaluated my life. I asked myself, “What are you doing with your life? Where are you going? What does your future look like?” I saw that my pathways in music had flamed out, and I was stuck working in a restaurant for minimum wage, while my peers were continuing on with their lives, and rapidly progressing past me. I was serving fish on rice, while a friend was getting his pilot’s license. I was terrified that I would be stuck working minimum wage jobs, while my friends were all successful in their respective fields. As I worked, I nearly had breakdowns, having to ask my manager for a respite in the break room. I repeatedly told myself, “This is just a stop, not the destination.” I had faith that God would lead me again, but the fear of the unknown remained.

My fear and anxiousness surrounding my future and career path drove me into depression… but God rescued me, reminding me that He is faithful, and that His plan for me is always good.

One morning as I was preparing to go back to work, I went to YouTube, and there was a video of an athlete, discussing how his struggles with mental health plagued him on the basketball court. Something clicked in my head at that moment. “This must be it. God’s showing me this for a reason.” I proceeded to research sport psychology, and decided to apply at Ryerson. Still, that uncertainty lingered. A few months pass, and as I sat with my devotion one night, I prayed that God would lead me to where He knew He could use me best to further His kingdom. That same night, I discovered that I had been admitted into the program, and I was completely overwhelmed. I realized that our God is so loving, and so gracious, and that truly all things are possible through Him.

I hope that you’d be as encouraged as I am by Matthew 6:30-34. The Lord knew what I needed in my darkest hour, and He was faithful in protecting me from the devil’s lies. He led the way when I needed direction when I was most uncertain. While there are still many areas of my life in which I need to learn to trust God, I believe that my faith was strengthened through these trials.

I challenge you today to consider whether you’re letting God lead you to where He wants you to be, or if you’re holding onto control of your life. I encourage you to let go of that, and to trust that God is faithful, and that He will take care of and provide for you.

Lastly, I’d like to leave you with lyrics from my favourite worship song, “Goodness of God”.

“All my life You have been faithful,

And all my life You have been so so good

With every breath that I am able

I will sing of the goodness of God.”